I I have loved England, dearly and deeply, Since that first morning, shining and pure, The white cliffs of Dover I saw rising steeply Out of the sea that once made her secure. I had no thought then of husband or lover, I was a traveller, the guest of a week; Yet when they pointed 'the white cliffs of Dover', Startled I found there were tears on my cheek. I have loved England, and still as a stranger, Here is my home and I still am alone. Now in her hour of trial and danger, Only the English are really her own.
II It happened the first evening I was there. Some one was giving a ball in Belgrave Square. At Belgrave Square, that most Victorian spot.â€” Lives there a novel-reader who has not At some time wept for those delightful girls, Daughters of dukes, prime ministers and earls, In bonnets, berthas, bustles, buttoned basques, Hiding behind their pure Victorian masks Hearts just as hot - hotter perhaps than those Whose owners now abandon hats and hose? Who has not wept for Lady Joan or Jill Loving against her noble parent's will A handsome guardsman, who to her alarm Feels her hand kissed behind a potted palm At Lady Ivry's ball the dreadful night Before his regiment goes off to fight; And see him the next morning, in the park, Complete in busbee, marching to embark. I had read freely, even as a child, Not only Meredith and Oscar Wilde But many novels of an earlier dayâ€” Ravenshoe, Can You Forgive Her?, Vivien Grey, Ouida, The Duchess, Broughton's Red As a Rose, Guy Livingstone, Whyte-Melvilleâ€” Heaven knows What others. Now, I thought, I was to see Their habitat, though like the Miller of Dee, I cared for none and no one cared for me.
III A light blue carpet on the stair And tall young footmen everywhere, Tall young men with English faces Standing rigidly in their places, Rows and rows of them stiff and staid In powder and breeches and bright gold braid; And high above them on the wall Hung other English faces-all Part of the pattern of English lifeâ€” General Sir Charles, and his pretty wife, Admirals, Lords-Lieutenant of Shires, Men who were served by these footmen's sires At their great parties-none of them knowing How soon or late they would all be going In plainer dress to a sterner strife- Another pattern of English life.
I went up the stairs between them all, Strange and frightened and shy and small, And as I entered the ballroom door, Saw something I had never seen before Except in portraitsâ€” a stout old guest With a broad blue ribbon across his breastâ€” That blue as deep as the southern sea, Bluer than skies can ever beâ€” The Countess of Salisburyâ€”Edward the Thirdâ€” No damn meritâ€” the Dukeâ€” I heard My own voice saying; 'Upon my word, The garter!' and clapped my hands like a child.
Some one beside me turned and smiled, And looking down at me said: "I fancy, You're Bertie's Australian cousin Nancy. He toId me to tell you that he'd be late At the Foreign Office and not to wait Supper for him, but to go with me, And try to behave as if I were he." I should have told him on the spot That I had no cousinâ€”that I was not Australian Nancyâ€”that my name Was Susan Dunne, and that I came From a small white town on a deep-cut bay In the smallest state in the U.S.A. I meant to tell him, but changed my mindâ€” I needed a friend, and he seemed kind; So I put my gloved hand into his glove, And we danced togetherâ€” and fell in love.
IV Young and in love-how magical the phrase! How magical the fact! Who has not yearned Over young lovers when to their amaze They fall in love and find their love returned, And the lights brighten, and their eyes are clear To see God's image in their common clay. Is it the music of the spheres they hear? Is it the prelude to that noble play, The drama of Joined Lives? Ah, they forget They cannot write their parts; the bell has rung, The curtain rises and the stage is set For tragedy-they were in love and young.
V We went to the Tower, We went to the Zoo, We saw every flower In the gardens at Kew. We saw King Charles a-prancing On his long-tailed horse, And thought him more entrancing Than better kings, of course. At a strange early hour, In St. James's palace yard, We watched in a shower The changing of the guard. And I said, what a pity, To have just a week to spend, When London is a city Whose beauties never end!
VI When the sun shines on England, it atones For low-hung leaden skies, and rain and dim Moist fogs that paint the verdure on her stones And fill her gentle rivers to the brim. When the sun shines on England, shafts of light Fall on far towers and hills and dark old trees, And hedge-bound meadows of a green as brightâ€” As bright as is the blue of tropic seas. When the sun shines, it is as if the face Of some proud man relaxed his haughty stare, And smiled upon us with a sudden grace, Flattering because its coming is so rare.
VII The English are frosty When you're no kith or kin Of theirs, but how they alter When once they take you in! The kindest, the truest, The best friends ever known, It's hard to remember How they froze you to a bone. They showed me all London, Johnnie and his friends; They took me to the country For long week-ends; I never was so happy, I never had such fun, I stayed many weeks in England Instead of just one.
VIII John had one of those English faces That always were and will always be Found in the cream of English places Till England herself sink into the seaâ€” A blond, bowed face with prominent eyes A little bit bluer than English skies. You see it in ruffs and suits of armour, You see it in wigs of many styles, Soldier and sailor, judge and farmerâ€” That face has governed the British Isles, By the power, for good or ill bestowed, Only on those who live by code.
Oh, that inflexible code of living, That seems so easy and unconstrained, The Englishman's code of taking and giving Rights and privileges pre-ordained, Based since English life began On the prime importance of being a man.
IX And what a voice he had-gentle, profound, Clear masculine!â€”I melted at the sound. Oh, English voices, are there any words Those tones to tell, those cadences to teach! As song of thrushes is to other birds, So English voices are to other speech; Those pure round 'o's 'â€”those lovely liquid 'l's' Ring in the ears like sound of Sabbath bells.
Yet I have loathed those voices when the sense Of what they said seemed to me insolence, As if the dominance of the whole nation Lay in that clear correct enunciation.
Many years later, I remember when One evening I overheard two men In Claridge'sâ€” white waistcoats, coats I know Were built in Bond Street or in Savile Rowâ€” So calm, so confident, so finely bredâ€” Young gods in tailsâ€” and this is what they said: 'Not your first visit to the States?' 'Oh no, I'd been to Canada two years ago.' Good God, I thought, have they not heard that we Were those queer colonists who would be free, Who took our desperate chance, and fought and won Under a colonist called Washington?
One does not lose one's birthright, it appears. I had been English then for many years.
X We went down to Cambridge, Cambridge in the spring. In a brick court at twilight We heard the thrushes sing, And we went to evening service In the chapel of the King. The library of Trinity, The quadrangle of Clare, John bought a pipe from Bacon, And I acquired there The Anecdotes of Painting From a handcart in the square.
The Playing fields at sunset Were vivid emerald green, The elms were tall and mighty, And many youths were seen, Carefree young gentlemen In the Spring of 'Fourteen.
XI London, just before dawn-immense and darkâ€” Smell of wet earth and growth from the empty Park, Pall Mall vacant-Whitehall deserted. Johnnie and I Strolling together, averse to saying good-byeâ€” Strolling away from some party in silence profound, Only far off in Mayfair, piercing, the sound Of a footman's whistleâ€”the rhythm of hoofs on wood, Further and further away. . . . And now we stood On a bridge, where a poet came to keep Vigil while all the city lay asleepâ€” Westminster Bridge, and soon the sun would rise, And I should see it with my very eyes! Yes, now it cameâ€” a broad and awful glow Out of the violet mists of dawn. 'Ah, no', I said. 'Earth has not anything to show More fairâ€” changed though it isâ€” than this.' A curious background surely for a kissâ€” Our firstâ€” Westminster Bridge at break of dayâ€” Settings by Wordsworth, as John used to say.
XII Why do we fall in love? I do believe That virtue is the magnet, the small vein Of ore, the spark, the torch that we receive At birth, and that we render back again. That drop of godhood, like a precious stone, May shine the brightest in the tiniest flake. Lavished on saints, to sinners not unknown; In harlot, nun, philanthropist, and rake, It shines for those who love; none else discern Evil from good; Men's fall did not bestow That threatened wisdom; blindly still we yearn After a virtue that we do not know, Until our thirst and longing rise above The barriers of reasonâ€”and we love.
XIII And still I did not see my life was changed, Utterly differentâ€”by this love estranged For ever and ever from my native land; That I was now of that unhappy band Who lose the old, and cannot gain the new However loving and however true To their new duties. I could never be An English woman, there was that in me Puritan, stubborn that would not agree To English standards, though I did not see The truth, because I thought them, good or ill, So great a peopleâ€”and I think so still.
But a day came when I was forced to face Facts. I was taken down to see the place, The family place in Devonâ€” and John's mother. 'Of course, you understand,' he said, 'my brother Will have the place.' He smiled; he was so sure The world was better for primogeniture. And yet he loved that place, as Englishmen Do love their native countryside, and when The day should be as it was sure to beâ€” When this was home no more to himâ€” when he Could go there only when his brother's wife Should ask himâ€”to a room not hisâ€” his life Would shrink and lose its meaning. How unjust, I thought. Why do they feel it must Go to that idle, insolent eldest son? Well, in the end it went to neither one.
XIV A red brick manor-house in Devon, In a beechwood of old grey trees, Ivy climbing to the clustered chimneys, Rustling in the wet south breeze. Gardens trampled down by Cromwell's army, Orchards of apple-trees and pears, Casements that had looked for the Armada, And a ghost on the stairs.
XV Johnnie's mother, the Lady Jean, Child of a penniless Scottish peer, Was handsome, worn high-coloured, lean, With eyes like Johnnie'sâ€”more blue and clearâ€” Like bubbles of glass in her fine tanned face. Quiet, she was, and so at ease, So perfectly sure of her rightful place In the world that she felt no need to please. I did not like herâ€”she made me feel Talkative, restless, unsure, as if I were a cross between parrot and eel. I thought her blank and cold and stiff.
XVI And presently she said as they Sooner or later always say: 'You're an American, Miss Dunne? Really you do not speak like one.' She seemed to think she'd said a thing Both courteous and flattering. I answered though my wrist were weak With anger: 'Not at all, I speakâ€” At least I've always thought this trueâ€” As educated people do In any country-even mine.' 'Really?' I saw her head incline, I saw her ready to assert Americans are easily hurt.
XVII Strange to look back to the days So long ago When a friend was almost a foe, When you hurried to find a phrase For your easy light dispraise Of a spirit you did not know, A nature you could not plumb In the moment of meeting, Not guessing a day would come When your heart would ache to hear Other men's tongues repeating Those same light phrases that jest and jeer At a friend now grown so dearâ€” so dear. Strange to remember long ago When a friend was almost a foe.
XVIII I saw the house with its oaken stair, And the Tudor Rose on the newel post, The panelled upper gallery where They told me you heard the family ghostâ€” 'A gentle unhappy ghost who sighs Outside one's door on the night one dies.' 'Not,' Lady Jean explained, 'at all Like the ghost at my father's place, St. Kitts, That clanks and screams in the great West Hall And frightens strangers out of their wits.' I smiled politely, not thinking I Would hear one midnight that long sad sigh.
I saw the gardens, after our tea (Crumpets and marmalade, toast and cake) And Drake's Walk, leading down to the sea; Lady Jean was startled I'd heard of Drake, For the English always find it a mystery That Americans study English history.
I saw the picture of every sonâ€” Percy, the eldest, and John; and Bill In Chinese Customs, and the youngest one Peter, the sailor, at Osborne still; And the daughter, Enid, married, alas, To a civil servant in far Madras.
A little thing happened, just before We leftâ€” the evening papers came; John, flicking them over to find a score, Spoke for the first time a certain nameâ€” The name of a town in a distant land Etched on our hearts by a murderer's hand.
Mother and son exchanged a glance, A curious glance of strength and dread. I thought: what matter to them if Franz Ferdinand dies? One of them said: This might be serious.' 'Yes, you're right.' The other answered, 'It really might.'
XIX Dear John: I'm going home. I write to say Goodbye. My boat-train leaves at break of day; It will be gone when this is in your hands. I've had enough of lovely foreign lands, Sightseeing, strangers, holiday and play; I'm going home to those who think the way I think, and speak as I do. Will you try To understand that this must be good-bye? We both rooted deeply in the soil Of our own countries. But I could not spoil Our happy memories with the stress and strain Of parting; if we never meet again Be sure I shall remember till I die Your love, your laugh, your kindness. Butâ€”goodbye. Please do not hate me; give the devil his due, This is an act of courage. Always, Sue.
XX The boat-train rattling Through the green country-side; A girl within it battling With her tears and pride. The Southampton landing, Porters, neat and quick, And a young man standing, Leaning on his stick. 'Oh, John, John, you shouldn't Have come this long way. . . 'Did you really think I wouldn't Be here to make you stay?' I can't remember whether There was much stress and strain, But presently, together, We were travelling back again.
XXI The English love their country with a love Steady, and simple, wordless, dignified; I think it sets their patriotism above All others. We Americans have prideâ€” We glory in our country's short romance. We boast of it and love it. Frenchmen when The ultimate menace comes, will die for France Logically as they lived. But Englishmen Will serve day after day, obey the law, And do dull tasks that keep a nation strong. Once I remember in London how I saw Pale shabby people standing in a long Line in the twilight and the misty rain To pay their tax. I then saw England plain.
XXII Johnnie and I were married. England then Had been a week at war, and all the men Wore uniform, as English people can, Unconscious of it. Percy, the best man, As thin as paper and as smart as paint, Bade us good-by with admirable restraint, Went from the church to catch his train to hell; And died-saving his batman from a shell.
XXIII We went down to Devon, In a warm summer rain, Knowing that our happiness Might never come again; I, not forgetting, 'Till death us do part,' Was outrageously happy With death in my heart. Lovers in peacetime With fifty years to live, Have time to tease and quarrel And question what to give; But lovers in wartime Better understand The fullness of living, With death close at hand.
XXIV My father wrote me a letterâ€” My father, scholarly, indolent, strong, Teaching Greek better Than high-school students repayâ€” Teaching Greek in the winter, but all summer long Sailing a yawl in Narragansett Bay; Happier perhaps when I was away, Free of an anxious daughter, He could sail blue water Day after day, Beyond Brenton Reef Lightship, and Beavertail, Past Cuttyhunk to catch a gale Off the Cape, while he thought of Hellas and Troy, Chanting with joy Greek chorusesâ€” those lines that he said Must be written some day on a stone at his head: 'But who can know As the long years go That to live is happy, has found his heaven.' My father, so far awayâ€” I thought of him, in Devon, Anchoring in a blind fog in Booth Bay.
XXV 'So, Susan, my dear,' the letter began, 'You've fallen in love with an Englishman. Well, they're a manly, attractive lot, If you happen to like them, which I do not. I am a Yankee through and through, And I don't like them, or the things they do. Whenever it's come to a knock-down fight With us, they were wrong, and we right; If you don't believe me, cast your mind Back over history, what do you find? They certainly had no justification For that maddening plan to impose taxation Without any form of representation. Your man may be all that a man should be, Only don't you bring him back to me Saying he can't get decent teaâ€” He could have got his tea all right In Boston Harbour a certain night, When your great-great-grandmotherâ€” also a Sueâ€” Shook enough tea from her husband's shoe To supply her house for a week or two. The war of 1812 seems to me About as just as a war could be. How could we help but come to grips With a nation that stopped and searched our ships, And took off our seamen for no other reason Except that they needed crews that season. I can get angry still at the tale Of their letting the Alabama sail, And Palmerston being insolent To Lincoln and Seward over the Trent. All very long ago, you'll say, But whenever I go up Boston-way, I drive through Concordâ€”that neck of the wood, Where once the embattled farmers stood, And I think of Revere, and the old South Steeple, And I say, by heck, we're the only people Who licked them not only once, but twice. Never forget it-that's my advice. They have their pointsâ€”they're honest and brave, Loyal and sureâ€”as sure as the grave; They make other nations seem pale and flighty, But they do think England is god almighty, And you must remind them now and then That other countries breed other men. From all of which you will think me rather Unjust. I am. Your devoted Father.
XXVI I read, and saw my home with sudden yearningâ€” The small white wooden house, the grass-green door, My father's study with the fire burning, And books piled on the floor. I saw the moon-faced clock that told the hours, The crimson Turkey carpet, worn and frayed, The heavy dishesâ€”gold with birds and flowersâ€” Fruits of the China trade. I saw the jack o' lanterns, friendly, frightening, Shine from our gateposts every Hallow-e'en; I saw the oak tree, shattered once by lightning, Twisted, stripped clean.
I saw the Dioscuriâ€” two black kittens, Stalking relentlessly an empty spool; I saw a little girl in scarlet mittens Trudging through snow to school.
XXVII John read the letter with his lovely smile. 'Your father has a vigorous English style, And what he says is true, upon my word; But what's this war of which I never heard? We didn't fight in 1812.' 'Yes, John, That was the time when you burnt Washington.' 'We couldn't have, my dear. . .' 'I mean the city.' 'We burnt it?' 'Yes, you did.' 'What a pity! No wonder people hate us. But, I say, I'll make your father like me yet, some day.'
XXVIII I settled down in Devon, When Johnnie went to France. Such a tame ending To a great romanceâ€” Two lonely women With nothing much to do But get to know each other; She did and I did, too. Mornings at the rectory Learning how to roll Bandages, and always Saving light and coal. Oh, that house was bitter As winter closed in, In spite of heavy stockings And woollen next the skin. I was cold and wretched, And never unaware Of John more cold and wretched In a trench out there.
XXIX All that long winter I wanted so much to complain, But my mother-in-Iaw, as far as I could see, Felt no such impulse, though she was always in pain, An, as the winter fogs grew thick, Took to walking with a stick, Heavily. Those bubble-like eyes grew black Whenever she rose from a chairâ€” Rose and fell back, Unable to bear The sure agonizing Torture of rising. Her hands, those competent bony hands, Grew gnarled and old, But never ceased to obey the commands Of her willâ€” only finding new hold Of bandage and needle and pen. And not for the blinking Of an eye did she ever stop thinking Of the suffering of Englishmen And her two sons in the trenches. Now and then I could forget for an instant in a book or a letter, But she never, never forgotâ€” either oneâ€” Percy and Johnâ€”though I knew she loved one betterâ€” Percy, the wastrel, the gambler, the eldest son. I think I shall always remember Until I die Her face that day in December, When in a hospital ward together, she and I Were writing letters for wounded men and dying, Writing and crying Over their words, so silly and simple and loving, Suddenly, looking up, I saw the old Vicar moving Like fate down the hospital ward, until He stood still Beside her, where she sat at a bed. 'Dear friend, come home. I have tragic news,' he said She looked straight at him without a spasm of fear, Her face not stern or maskedâ€” 'Is it Percy or John?' she asked. 'Percy.' She dropped her eyes. 'I am needed here. Surely you know I cannot go Until every letter is written. The dead Must wait on the living,' she said. 'This is my work. I must stay.' And she didâ€” the whole long day.
XXX Out of the dark, and dearth Of happiness on earth, Out of a world inured to death and pain; On a fair spring mom To me a son was born, And hope was born-the future lived again. To me a son was born, The lonely hard forlorn Travail was, as the Bible tells, forgot. How old, how commonplace To look upon the face Of your first-born, and glory in your lot.
To look upon his face And understand your place Among the unknown dead in churchyards lying, To see the reason why You lived and why you dieâ€” Even to find a certain grace in dying.
To know the reason why Buds blow and blossoms die, Why beauty fades, and genius is undone, And how unjustified Is any human pride In all creationâ€” save in this common one.
XXXI Maternity is common, but not so It seemed to me. Motherless, I did not knowâ€” I was all unprepared to feel this glow, Holy as a Madonna's, and as crude As any animal's beatitudeâ€” Crude as my own black cat's, who used to bring Her newest litter to me every spring, And say, with green eyes shining in the sun: 'Behold this miracle that I have done.' And John came home on leave, and all was joy And thankfulness to me, because my boy Was not a baby only, but the heirâ€” Heir to the Devon acres and a name As old as England. Somehow I became Almost an English woman, almost at one With all they ever didâ€” all they had done.
XXXII 'I want him called John after you, or if not that I'd ratherâ€”' 'But the eldest son is always called Percy, dear.' 'I don't ask to call him Hiram, after my fatherâ€”' 'But the eldest son is always called Percy, dear.' 'But I hate the name Percy. I like Richard or Ronald, Or Peter like your brother, or Ian or Noel or Donaldâ€”' 'But the eldest is always called Percy, dear.' So the Vicar christened him Percy; and Lady Jean Gave to the child and me the empty place In hr heart. Poor Lady, it was as if she had seen The world destroyedâ€” the extinction of her race, Her country, her class, her nameâ€” and now she saw Them live again. And I would hear her say: 'No. I admire Americans; my daughter-in-law Was an American.' Thus she would well repay The debt, and I was gratefulâ€” the English made Life hard for those who did not come to her aid.
XXXIII 'They must come in in the spring.' 'Don't they care sixpence who's right?' 'What a ridiculous thingâ€” Saying they're too proud to fight.' 'Saying they're too proud to fight.' 'Wilson's pro-German, I'm told.' 'No, it's financial.' 'Oh, quite, All that they care for is gold.' 'All that they care for is gold.' 'Seem to like writing a note.' 'Yes, as a penman, he's bold.' 'No. It's the Irish vote.'
'Oh, it's the Irish vote.' 'What if the Germans some night Sink an American boat?' 'Darling, they're too proud to fight.'
XXXIV What could I do, but ache and long That my country, peaceful, rich, and strong, Should come and do battle for England's sake. What could I do, but long and ache. And my father's letters I hid away Lest some one should know the things he'd say. 'You ask me whether we're coming inâ€” We are. The English are clever as sin, Silently, subtly they inspire Most of youth with a holy fire To shed their blood for the British Empire We'll come inâ€” we'll fight and die Humbly to help them, and by and by, England will do us in the eye. They'll get colonies, gold and fame, And we'll get nothing at all but blame. Blame for not having come before, Blame for not having sent them more Money and men and war supplies, Blame if we venture to criticise. We're so damn simpleâ€” our skins so thin We'll get nothing whatever, but we'll come in.'
XXXV And at lastâ€”at lastâ€”like the dawn of a calm, fair day After a night of terror and storm, they cameâ€” My young light-hearted countrymen, tall and gay, Looking the world over in search of fun and fame, Marching through London to the beat of a boastful air, Seeing for the first time Piccadilly and Leicester Square, All the bands playing: 'Over There, Over There, Send the word, send the word to bewareâ€”' And as the American flag went fluttering by Englishmen uncovered, and I began to cry.
XXXVI 'We're here to end it, by jingo.' 'We'll lick the Heinies okay.' 'I can't get on to the lingo.' 'Dumb-they don't get what we say.' 'Call that stuff coffee? You oughter Know better. Gee, take it away.' 'Oh, for a drink of ice water! ' 'They think nut-sundae's a day.'
'Say, is this chicken feed money?' 'Say, does it rain every day?' 'Say, Lady, isn't it funny Every one drives the wrong way?'
XXXVII How beautiful upon the mountains, How beautiful upon the downs, How beautiful in the village post-office, On the pavements of townsâ€” How beautiful in the huge print of newspapers, Beautiful while telegraph wires hum, While telephone bells wildly jingle, The news that peace has comeâ€” That peace has come at lastâ€”that all wars cease. How beautiful upon the mountains are the footsteps Of the messengers of peace!
XXXVIII In the depth of the night betwixt midnight and morning, In the darkness and silence forerunning the dawn, The throb of my heart was a drum-beat of warning, My ears were a-strain and my breath was undrawn. In the depth of the night, when the old house was sleeping, I lying alone in a desolate bed, Heard soft on the staircase a slow footstep creepingâ€” The ear of the livingâ€”the step of the dead. In the depth of the night betwixt midnight and morning A step drawing near on the old oaken floorâ€” On the stairâ€” in the galleryâ€” the ghost that gives warning Of death, by that heartbreaking sigh at my door.
XXXIX Bad news is not broken, By kind tactful word; The message is spoken Ere the word can be heard. The eye and the bearing, The breath make it clear, And the heart is despairing Before the ears hear. I do not remember The words that they said: 'Killedâ€”Douaiâ€”Novemberâ€”' I knew John was dead. All done and overâ€” That day long agoâ€” The while cliffs of Doverâ€” Little did I know.
XL As I grow older, looking back, I see Not those the longest planted in the heart Are the most missed. Some unions seem to be Too close for even death to tear apart. Those who have lived together many years, And deeply learnt to read each other's mind, Vanities, tempers, virtues, hopes, and fearsâ€” One cannot goâ€”nor is one left behind. Alas, with John and me this was not so; I was defrauded even of the past. Our days had been so pitifully few, Fight as I would, I found the dead go fast. I had lost allâ€”had lost not love alone, But the bright knowledge it had been my own.
XLI Oh, sad people, buy not your past too dearly, Live not in dreams of the past, for understand, If you remember too much, too long, too clearly, If you grasp memory with too heavy a hand, You will destroy memory in all its glory For the sake of the dreams of your head upon your bed. You will be left with only the worn dead story You told yourself of the dead.
XLII Nanny brought up my son, as his father before him, Austere on questions of habits, manners, and food. Nobly yielding a mother's right to adore him, Thinking that mothers never did sons much good. A Scot from Lady Jean's own native passes, With a head as smooth and round as a silver bowl, A crooked nose, and eyes behind her glasses Grey and bright and wiseâ€”a great soul ! Ready to lay down her life for her charge, and ready To administer discipline without consulting me: 'Is that the way for you to answer my leddy? I think you'll get no sweet tonight to your tea.'
Bringing him up better than I could do it, Teaching him to be civil and manly and cool In the face of danger. And then before I knew it The time came for him to go off to school.
Off to school to be free of women's teaching, Into a world of menâ€” at seven years old; Into a world where a mother's hands vainly reaching Will never again caress and comfort and hold.
XLIII My father came over now and then To look at the boy and talk to me, Never staying long, For the urge was strong To get back to his yawl and the summer sea. He came like a nomad passing by, Hands in his pockets, hat over one eye, Teasing every one great and small With a blank straight face and a Yankee drawl; Teasing the Vicar on Apostolic Succession And what the Thirty-Nine Articles really meant to convey, Teasing Nanny, though he did not Make much impression On that imperturbable Scot. Teasing our local grandee, a noble peer, Who firmly believed the Ten Lost Tribes Of Israel had settled hereâ€” A theory my father had at his fingers' endsâ€” Only one person was always safe from his jibesâ€” My mother-in-law, for they were really friends.
XLIV Oh, to come home to your country After long years away, To see the tall shining towers Rise over the rim of the bay, To feel the west wind steadily blowing And the sunshine golden and hot, To speak to each man as an equal, Whether he is or not.
XLV Was this Americaâ€”this my home? Prohibition and Teapot Domeâ€” Speakeasies, night-clubs, illicit stills, Dark faces peering behind dark grills, Hold-ups, kidnappings, hootch or boozeâ€” Every one gamblingâ€”you just can't lose, Was this my country? Even the bay At home was altered, strange ships lay At anchor, deserted day after day, Old yachts in a rusty dim decayâ€” Like ladies going the primrose wayâ€” At anchor, until when the moon was black, They sailed, and often never came back.
Even my father's Puritan drawl Told me shyly he'd sold his yawl For a fabulous price to the constable's sonâ€” My childhood's playmate, thought to be one Of a criminal gang, rum-runners all, Such clever fellows with so much moneyâ€” Even the constable found it funny, Until one morning his son was found, Floating dead in Long Island Sound. Was this my country? It seemed like heaven To get back, dull and secure, to Devon, Loyally hiding from Lady Jean And my English friends the horrors I'd seen.
XLVI That year she died, my nearest, dearest friend; Lady Jean died, heroic to the end. The family stood about her grave, but none Mourned her as I did. After, one by one, They slipped awayâ€”Peter and Billâ€”my son Went back to school. I hardly was aware Of Percy's lovely widow, sitting there In the old room, in Lady Jean's own chair. An English beauty glacially fair Was Percy's widow Rosamund, her hair Was silver gilt, and smooth as silk, and fine, Her eyes, sea-green, slanted away from mine, From any one's, as if to meet the gaze Of others was too intimate a phase For one as cool and beautiful as she.
We were not friends or foes. She seemed to be Always a little irkedâ€” fretted to find That other women lived among mankind. Now for the first time after years of meeting, Never exchanging more than formal greeting, She spoke to meâ€” that sharp determined way People will speak when they have things to say.
XLVII ROSAMUND: Susan, go home with your offspring. Fly. Live in America. SUSAN: Rosamund, why? ROSAMUND: Why, my dear girl, haven't you seen What English country life can mean With too small an income to keep the place Going? Already I think I trace A change in you, you no longer care So much how you look or what you wear. That coat and skirt you have on, you know You wouldn't have worn them ten years ago. Those thick warm stockingsâ€” they make me sad, Your ankles were ankles to drive men mad. Look at your hairâ€” you need a wave. Get outâ€” go homeâ€” be hardâ€” be brave, Or else, believe me, you'll be a slave. There's something in youâ€” dutifulâ€” meekâ€” You'll be saving your pin-money every week To mend the roof. Well, let it leak. Why should you care? SUSAN: But I do care, John loved this place and my boy's the heir.
ROSAMUND: The heir to what? To a tiresome life Drinking tea with the vicar's wife, Opening bazaars, and taking the chair At meetings for causes that you don't care Sixpence about and never will; Breaking your heart over every bill. I've been in the States, where everyone, Even the poor, have a little fun.
Don't condemn your son to be A penniless country squire. He Would be happier driving a tram over there Than mouldering his life away as heir. SUSAN: Rosamund dear, this may all be true. I'm an American through and through. I don't see things as the English do, But it's clearly my duty, it seems to me, To bring up John's son, like him, to be A country squireâ€”poor alas, But true to that English upper class That does not change and does not pass.
ROSAMUND: Nonsense; it's come to an absolute stop. Twenty years since we sat on top Of the world, amusing ourselves and sneering At other manners and customs, jeering At other nations, living in cloverâ€” Not any more. That's done and over. No one nowadays cares a button For the upper classesâ€” they're dead as mutton. Go home. SUSAN: I notice that you don't go.
ROSAMUND: My dear, that shows how little you know. I'm escaping the fate of my peers, Marrying one of the profiteers, Who hasn't an 'aitch' where an 'aitch' should be, But millions and millions to spend on me. Not much funâ€” but there wasn't any Other way out. I haven't a penny. But with you it's different. You can go away, And oh, what a fool you'd be to stay.
XLVIII Rabbits in the park, Scuttling as we pass, Little white tails Against the green grass. 'Next time, Mother, I must really bring a gun, I know you don't like shooting, Butâ€”!' John's own son, That blond bowed face, Those clear steady eyes, Hard to be certain That the dead don't rise. Jogging on his pony Through the autumn day, 'Bad year for fruit, Mother, But good salt hay.' Bowling for the village As his father had before; Coming home at evening To read the cricket score, Back to the old house Where all his race belong, Tired and contentedâ€” Rosamund was wrong.
XLIX If some immortal strangers walked our land And heard of death, how could they understand That weâ€”doomed creaturesâ€”draw our meted breath Light-heartedlyâ€”all unconcerned with death. So in these years between the wars did men From happier continents look on us when They brought us sympathy, and saw us stand Like the proverbial ostrich-head in sandâ€” While youth passed resolutions not to fight, And statesmen muttered everything was rightâ€” Germany, a kindly, much ill-treated nationâ€” Russia was working out her own salvation Within her borders. As for Spain, ah, Spain Would buy from England when peace came again! I listened and believedâ€” believed through sheer Terror. I could not look whither my fear Pointedâ€” that agony that I had known. I closed my eyes, and was not alone.
Later than many, earlier than some, I knew the die was castâ€” that war must come; That war must come. Night after night I lay Steeling a broken heart to face the day When he, my sonâ€” would tread the very same Path that his father trod. When the day came I was not steeledâ€” not ready. Foolish, wild Words issued from my lipsâ€” 'My child, my child, Why should you die for England too?' He smiled: 'Is she not worth it, if I must?' he said. John would have answered yesâ€” but John was dead.
L Is she worth dying for? My love, my one And only love had died, and now his son Asks me, his alien mother, to assay The worth of England to mankind todayâ€” This other Eden, demi-paradise, This fortress built by Nature for herself Against infection and the hand of war; This happy breed of men, this little world, This precious stone set in the silver seaâ€” Ah, no, not thatâ€”not Shakespeareâ€”I must be A sterner critic. I must weigh the ill Against the good, must strike the balance, till I know the answerâ€” true for me aloneâ€” What is she worthâ€” this countryâ€” not my own?
I thought of my father's deep traditional wrath Against Englandâ€” the redcoat bullyâ€” the ancient foeâ€” That second reaping of hate, that aftermath Of a ruler's folly and ignorance long agoâ€” Long, long agoâ€” yet who can honestly say England is utterly changedâ€” not Iâ€” not I. Arrogance, ignorance, folly are here today, And for these my son must die? I thought of these years, these last dark terrible years When the leaders of England bade the English believe Lies at the price of peace, lies and fears, Lies that corrupt, and fears that sap and deceive. I though of the bars dividing man from man, Invisible bars that the humble may not pass, And how no pride is uglier, crueller than The pride unchecked of class. Oh, those invisible bars of manners and speech, Ways that the proud man will not teach The humble lest they too reach Those splendid heights where a little band Have always stood and will always stand Ruling the fate of this small green land, Rulers of Englandâ€”for them must I Send out my only son to die?
LI And then, and then, I thought of Elizabeth stepping down Over the stones of Plymouth town To welcome her sailors, common men, She herself, as she used to say, Being' mere English' as much as theyâ€” Seafaring men who sailed away From rocky inlet and wooded bay, Free men, undisciplined, uncontrolled, Some of them pirates and all of them bold, Feeling their fate was England's fate, Coming to save it a little late, Much too late for the easy way, Much too late, and yet never quite Too late to win in that last worst fight.
And I thought of Hampden and men like him, St John and Eliot, Cromwell and Pym, Standing firm through the dreadful years, When the chasm was opening, widening, Between the Commons and the King; I thought of the Commons in tearsâ€” in tears, When Black Rod knocked at Parliament's door, And they saw Rebellion straight beforeâ€” Weeping, and yet as hard as stone, Knowing what the English have always known Since thenâ€” and perhaps have known aloneâ€” Something that none can teach or tellâ€” The moment when God's voice says; 'Rebel.'
Not to rise up in sudden gust Of passionâ€” not, though the cause be just; Not to submit so long that hate, Lava torrents break out and spill Over the land in a fiery spate; Not to submit for ever, until The will of the country is one man's will, And every soul in the whole land shrinks From thinkingâ€”except as his neighbour thinks. Men who have governed England know That dreadful line that they may not pass And live. Elizabeth long ago Honoured and loved, and bold as brass, Daring and subtle, arrogant, clever, English, too, to her stiff backbone, Somewhat a bully, like her own Fatherâ€” yet even Elizabeth never Dared to oppose the sullen might Of the English, standing upon a right.
LII And were they not English, our forefathers, never more English than when they shook the dust of her sod From their feet for ever, angrily seeking a shore Where in his own way a man might worship his God. Never more English than when they dared to be Rebels against her-that stem intractable sense Of that which no man can stomach and still be free, Writing: 'When in the course of human events. . .' Writing it out so all the world could see Whence come the powers of all just governments. The tree of Liberty grew and changed and spread, But the seed was English. I am American bred, I have seen much to hate hereâ€” much to forgive, But in a world where England is finished and dead, I do not wish to live.