The bachelor 'e fights for one As joyful as can be; But the married man don't call it fun, Because 'e fights for three -- For 'Im an' 'Er an' It (An' Two an' One make Three) 'E wants to finish 'is little bit, An' e' wants to go 'ome to is tea!
The bachelor pokes up 'is 'ead To see if you are gone; But the married man lies down instead, An' waits till the sights come on, For 'im an' 'Er an' a hit (Direct or recochee) 'E wants to finish 'is little bit, An' 'e wants to go 'ome to 'is tea.
The bachelor will miss you clear To fight another day; But the married man, 'e says "No fear!" 'E wants you out of the way Of 'Im an' 'Er an' It (An' 'is road to 'is farm or the sea), 'E wants to finish 'is little bit, An' 'e wants to go 'ome to 'is tea.
The bachelor 'e fights 'is fight An' streches out an' snores; But the married man sits up all night -- For 'e don't like out-o'-doors. 'E'll strain an' listen an' peer An' give the first alarm-- For the sake o' the breathin' 'e's used to 'ear, An' the 'ead on the thick of 'is arm.
The bachelor may risk 'is 'ide To 'elp you when you're downed; But the married man will wait beside Till the ambulance comes round. 'E'll take your 'ome address An' all you've time to say, Or if 'e sees there's 'ope, 'e'll press Your art'ry 'alf the day --
For 'Im an' 'Er an' It (An' One from Three leaves Two), For 'e knows you wanted to finish your bit, An' 'e knows 'oo's wantin' you. Yes, 'Im an' 'Er an' It (Our 'only One in Three), We're all of us anxious to finish our bit, An' we want to get 'ome to our tea!
Yes, It an' 'Er an' 'Im, Which often makes me think The married man must sink or swim An' -- 'e can't afford to sink! Oh, 'Im an' It an' 'Er Since Adam an' Eve began! So I'd rather fight with the bacheler An' be nursed by the married man!